The Fake Intellectual is an online collection of articles and essays written and curated by writer & photographer Thomas W Coombs, published bi-annually.

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Issue 48; The Accidental Morning Person

When did I become that guy? I have started to rise before the Sun has even hit the horizon, the moon and stars illuminating the path before me as I walk the dog.  I then set off to the gym, getting in a thirty minute work out of either weights or cardio before home, to shower, then relax with a book, breakfast and a coffee.  By the time I sit down at my desk, I have been up for what feels like hours.

Now you may think that is something I planned, to join that elusive club of “influencer” types who mostly lie but push this sickening nonsense we live with of the “5 O’Clock Club”.  Trust me when I say it was a complete accident, and you can sod off if I am going for 5am, 6am was the only way to fit things in, the dog walk was an added extra that is a must, and not wanting to head to the gym after a long work day.  This seems fine and makes complete sense, but I have become that guy without meaning to and will just say sorry now.

So who have I become? I am the guy I hate, and you probably also hate. I get up early, do lots of things and then, sorry, I need to hold back some vomit, I tell people about it.  Like they care and need to know, and the message that they should join me in the process.  And the worst thing ever happened when someone said they didn’t have time to do something, I actually hated myself as the words exited my mouth, I replied with “well, if you got up earlier, like me, you would have the time”.  If they had punched me in the face, I would have taken the beating in the hope I never say such a thing again in my life, I should have done them a favour and launched myself out the closest window as they told me to shut the hell up twat.  I was mortified.


How did I accidentally become “that guy”? I wouldn’t want to talk to me.  But, there is a but, I actually do like getting up that early, if it was a struggle then I wouldn’t.  It could be that I am at an age where the mornings are more me rather than the late night person I was ten years ago.


If you feel you have no time then try it, but a word of warning, do not tell people, not a soul, just keep it to yourself and enjoy that extra time to yourself (and the dog).